The Misled vs. The Mislabeled

One of the toughest things about being a so-called "conspiracy theorist" is being called that. It's obviously a media label, coined by so-called investigators and reporters of "the news" on Earth. These are the same people who take all day to tell you that some low-life in the Los Angeles area stuck up a mom-and-pop store and is now on the lam on the Santa Monica Freeway. These are the limelight lovers who are more excited about announcing the latest version of Nintendo to the world than anybody in the world is about buying it. These are the folks who gave up their dream of becoming a game show host on national television in order to settle for a sure thing as a local TV news anchor and they're mad as hell about it. Therefore, anyone who rocks any boat anywhere is making more money and having more fun than they are.

My point is this. What the hell do they know about anything?

The next toughest thing about being a squealer and finger-pointer is that anyone who can make a phone call, send an email or a text message, or post on a blog can also be a conspiracy theorist. That includes whack jobs who think every jet contrail contains chemicals that will make people do certain things or not do certain things, according to a whimsical and diabolical schedule of the federal government. These are the rabid fanatics who think President George Bush masterminded the 9/11 terrorist attack instead of Osama bin Laden. These are the consistently irritated tax payers who are so irritated, in the first place, by having to pay taxes that they want to exact their revenge on the feds somehow. Even if it means making up exotic and preposterous stories such as this and posting them on websites that cater to pissed-off people with imaginary axes to grind. These are the people whose biggest enemy in life is Uncle Sam.

In this same company of "conspiracy theorists" are people of any number of racial and ethnic backgrounds and national origins or political parties or social status or sexual orientation who have no tolerance for anyone who's not in their self-selected inner circle of chosen people. Often chosen by a god they've never met and probably never will meet. These are the pathetic lost souls whose biggest enemy in life is anyone who isn't just like them.

Then there are the "ufologists" who think reptiles and insects as big as kangaroos left their home planets in droves to buzz the skies of Earth in flying saucers and cigar-shaped spacecrafts because Earthlings are just so damned interesting to them. And that these Extraterrestrial Biological Entities have been doing this without being seen by Earthlings for centuries. These are the normal, intelligent people of Earth who have been singled out by media moguls loyal to the Illuminati and The New World Order for ridicule and who've been labeled "conspiracy theorists" by chickenshit journalists whose only gods are money and fame. One of these so-called "conspiracy theorists" is yours truly, Fred Fortune.

So, what do I call myself, you might ask, if "conspiracy theorist" is such a misnomer? I call myself a conspiracy "buff". Which means that I'm one of those finger-pointers who picks and chooses in hindsight from a long list of ready-made conspiracy theories and then either blindly supports them or tears them into fanatical shreds. When I'm selling my own conspiracy shit, as the press would like to call it, I'm merely being a raconteur. There's a hell of a big difference between rabble-rousing for fun and profit and telling on someone to save your own ass.

Did I say I wasn't a coward? Did I say I was any better than a "conspiracy theorists". Nooo, I did not. I merely said I was different, that's all. And, being different from the many, misled conspiracy theorists on Earth who cook up their own shit and serve it up to a hungry world, I think I deserve a different label than they do.