Fred Fiend

My data is sketchy at this point but I think I'm closing in on the joker who's been impersonating me all over the Milky Way Galaxy for the past year or so. At best, this freeloader is another homeless bum from another American city like Los Angeles. No, I doubt very much if the freeloading faker is from Cleveland. Everybody picks on Cleveland. Leave Cleveland out of this.

And the worst case scenario is that this indigent imbecile is a flesh-and-blood manifestation of my polar opposite. That'd be the pits, to have some bipolar Mr. Hyde running around the galaxy bumming Mallo Cups from everybody on my behalf. It just figures that, instead of a cool Doppelgänger I'd get stuck with an evil anti-me. It's so ridiculous and unfair that it just has to be true. In that case, I have only one thing to say to this identity thief chocolate hound:

"Get your own Mallo Cups!"

Some big-time tabloid from Pluto published this photo of my nemesis. They call him "Fred Fiend". I call him a few other things but I can't print them here.