Politics, Schmolitics

Oh, yeah, I’m sooo glad I don’t live on Earth anymore but before I tell you why let me tell you that most of us former Earthlings living in the Mars underground are the former American homeless. You know, the folks pushing the rusty shopping carts all around the downtown area and sleeping near steam vents and so on. Yep, that’s us.

We were dumped here on Mars after the goddamn Grays (that’s right, the bubble-heads with the big, black almond eyes) discovered that most us had blood that was way too thin for our DNA to be worth anything. As far as it being soup starter for boosting their pathetic, cloned DNA, that is. Pricks. Yeah, human blood gets just a little thin on a diet of Wild Irish Rose and, in some cases, dollar-store shoe polish. But, I digress from the main topic. Earth Politics. May as well write about a cockroach race somewhere.

Anyway, I’m sooo glad that I don’t have to feel guilty about not voting for any of the U.S. Presidential candidates this election. I mean, electing McCain will almost guarantee continued warfare around the globe. Lets face it, war is prosperity for all the good ol' boys who rub elbows and asses with a federal administration. Always was and always will be. If McCain gets to roam the White House unbridled, gasoline will be ten dollars a gallon and only the good ol' boys will be able to afford it. The only store in America will be Walmart with its shelves chock full of wares that will reflect the astronomical price of gas. Maybe Mr. And Mrs. Smith will no longer be able to afford to drive to Walmart every other day for disposable diapers and fresh crullers but it won’t matter because there'll be a Walmart every fifty feet.

Then there’s Obama. If elected, he'll inadvertently turn the White House into a half-way house for every special interest minority group in America. The Oval Office will become a soup kitchen for every disaffected U.S. citizen who feels the need for some government reparation to offset their miserable lives, regardless of race, color, creed, national origin or sexual preference. They’ll be sleeping on the front porch to get in. They’ll lie and cheat and even knock heads to be first in line. And the South Lawn will be a tent city for those who heard the dinner bell a little too late. And now Hillary won’t even be in the picture because her political overcoat had just a little too much red in the collar and not enough blue where it really counted. Otherwise, she might have dispersed all the bums hanging around 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue by 2012, when the shit really hits the fan.

And, Ralph Nader? Forget him. If elected, he’ll remove all the vehicles from America's highways as unsafe and you’ll all be peddling bicycles or else walking. And there won’t be any products on the shelves when you get to Walmart because he’ll fire everyone in the FDA and the USDA and he’ll take over Underwriter’s Laboratories and turn it into a mad scientist lab for seeking out that elusive product that is totally risk free.

And that other dark horse candidate, what’s his face? Well, all I can say is this: Who in the hell is this guy?

Yeah, yeah, I know. I didn't mention any of the VP candidates. But I never did get all excited about political tag-a-longs. Hell, anybody can take in a stray dog and just about anybody can be a stray dog. The 2008 VP wannabes just know where the food dish is, that's all.

Yep, I'd rather suck Martian stones for ancient salt than cast another ballot on Earth. Anytime.