Merry Christmas from Mars

Because of recent developments beyond my control, I'm unable to show my ugly mug in person. You guessed it, Warden Liz finally caught me red-handed, all "live" and "in the act" of broadcasting my conspiracy doo-doo (my conspiracy doo-doo is as good as anyone else's) to the rest of the solar system.

But that's not why she zapped me with her trusty discombobulator. No, she said she caught me before I said anything even remotely damaging to the Earthling abduction project. Hmmphh! Then why did she get so mad that she zapped me right out of the chair if she didn't even feel threatened by my broadcast? Because someone posted an animated caricature of her (a flash image) on the Saturn Outernet earlier this month and she thinks it was me, that's why.

Well... I'll do some squealing and finger pointing about that deal sometime after the New Year. I'll show that psycho Reptilian fembot a thing or two. I'll find that graffiti caricature of her and re-post it. That'll teach her to throw me around a room just for fun. Anyway, my broadcast days are over until I can come up with something that will really make her mad. The madder she gets, the more I'll feel like a conspiracy bell-ringer.

So, anyway, when I woke up after hitting the floor at the end of Broadcast Number Four, she tossed me around for a while, swearing and clicking in her native lizard tongue, and then she let me go because she couldn't stop laughing at the chocolate drool that came out of my mouth every time I lost consciousness. Still, she did bounce me off a few pieces of furniture and a couple of walls before she got tired of that shit. Apparently, the only thing that saved my life is that I'm such a bore. Thank heavens for that.

Before she let me go she didn't even bother to make me promise to stop broadcasting my conspiracy doo-doo. And that pissed me off. Pissed me right off. The big scaly sow didn't bother to penalize me because she thinks I have no audience, no viewers and no followers. And, therefore, no proof. Well, that's only her opinion. But, until I can find some hard evidence of life on Mars, I'll take a break from videocasting. Besides, it's too close to Christmas to get my shorts in a twist over anything, especially a lizard heckler the size of a kangaroo.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from Mars!