My Christmas Secret

Hi folks, Farnsworth M. Mudd, here. Yeah, I'm still on Mars, "right under the Cydonia face" as Fred Fortune told you. And so is Mr. Fred Fortune, by the way, although he's in somewhat of a "cooking sherry" state of mind at the moment, if you get my drift. So, I decided to take advantage of that.

Fred accidentally blew up planet Earth on November 18th, which is no big loss, really. At least, we've been told that Fred blew it up and that he was set up as a patsy by the Reptilians who hate Earthlings more than anything. And Fred walked right into it. Walked right into it. They played him for the fool he must really be. More's the pity. But I have my doubts if the destruction of Earth actually occurred. Fred may think otherwise.

Yeah, nothing's changed here on Mars. Still, no one here really misses Earth but our gravitational relationship with the sun hasn't been altered in the least. Still, so much for Earth and it's seven billion "me first" crumb snatchers. I'm with Fred on that score. They did it to themselves. But Fred Fortune will be blamed for it. Well that's his problem. That's probably his Karma catching up with him. Of course I believe in Karma. I wear penny loafers with real pennies in them for good luck and I never "cross steel" and I never go out of somebody's house through the same door I used to go in. So I don't.

Well, as you all know, Mr. Fred thinks I look like the love child of Eleanor Roosevelt and Stan Laurel and he knows that really gets me PO'd, especially when he tells the whole solar system that crap. And, if you'll remember when I did a recent post here on September 20th, I said, "Wow. I'll get Fred for that smart aleck remark. And he knows it, too. So, let there be no surprise there."

Well, here's the payback. The two pictures below. Yeah, I know they're "grainy". If you had a ring camera on your pinky and you took a snapshot with it, this is what the blowup would look like. State-of-the-art photo development doesn't really exist in deep undercover work. That's Hollywood's shitten lie. Even Fred Fortune will tell you that. OK. After I posted them, I saw that they looked like hell. Then I felt guilty about plastering Fred's grainy mug on his own blog behind his back. So I put them on a Christmas bulb, like Fred once did. But I didn't have time to engrave nothin' formal on it. Ho, ho, ho. Hey, take notice to the fact that Fred's wearing a Santa Claus hat in the second picture. I guess they must celebrate Christmas on the moon, too.

No, I won't tell you where I got these pictures or whose palm I had to grease to get them. Let's just say that, before Mr. Fred Fortune was nabbed by the Pluto Police a few years back, he was a bartender on the dark side of Earth's moon. He drank more of the stock than the customers did and that's when he had to go on the lam. Before they fired his ass. Not because he stole stuff from the U.S. Government PX up there. Lyin' little shit. Anyway, I hope Fred learns a lesson from this post. The lesson is an old one and it goes like this, "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

Or, better yet, "If you're a liar and a cheat, just keep your mouth shut." Yeah, I like that one better. By the way, if you click on the three pictures on this post, you'll open my Christmas presents to you. Don't tell Fred that one of them is a "plug" for me.

Merry Christmas from Mars!